I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
