Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my poor anus
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
