I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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