I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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