i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Houston, we have a blender
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
