I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
