If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
