4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
