hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
