So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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