he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
