I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
