I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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