no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
