DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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