I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
