my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
