when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
