I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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