I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
