I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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