glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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