What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
