I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
