Moan for me like Helen Keller
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
