you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
