Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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