taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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