oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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