They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
