both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
