I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
