Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
