I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
