I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
3pm strippers are depressing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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