i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i believe in u and ur pee
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
