What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
