my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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