FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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