They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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