you win again, gameday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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