smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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