She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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