Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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