I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Come on in and take your pants off
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