Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
