New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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