if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
