Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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