I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
