she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
