my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
