was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
