I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Send help, water and tortillas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
